Mean Girls, Part Deaux

Being middle-class means that I live in a nice, relatively safe suburban neighborhood, with good, relatively safe public schools. That's good. The downside is that there are too many middle-class moms with time on their hands. As the saying goes, idle hands are the devil's workshop. Their main concern is ensuring that their children are popular with both the other kids and the teachers, even if it means that their mean girl personas, which should have long ago disappeared as they grew in maturity, are too often allowed to come out and play. To-wit: I received an email from the room moms for the youngest BB's first grade class. They're preparing for the end of the year (good). They're planning to purchase a very nice gift for the teacher (wonderful). They've asked for donations for this gift (no problem). So far, so good, until I reached the end of the email where there's the description of the card to be signed from the kids who contributed to the gift! That's right. Children who can't or don't contribute, don't get to sign the card. We wouldn't want Mrs. K. to miss crediting the kids who gave her the gift.

I have to be clear here: I appreciate what the room moms do. Even though their motives may not be entirely pure, their volunteer work in the class room is surely a help when kids need individual attention. Plus, somebody has to organize the different parties during the year, and I appreciate that they're willing to do so.

In addition, in my middle-class neighborhood, there aren't that many kids whose parents can't afford to contibute, but there are some whose families are economically challenged. It is those kids who I feel for, maybe because I would have been one of those kids. But of course, I wuld have never been put in that position. My mom, was often the room mom. And she never did anything that would have the effect of excluding any child. Indeed, she often came up with creative, but inexpensive, ideas in her role as room mom. I don't recall if we ever gave the teacher a gift, but if we did, it was not expensive and did not require all kids to contribute money. What I do recall is that every year, the teachers were genuinely effusive in their praise of what a great room mom she was.

I should also note that it's not that I think that private school parents are somehow better. Rather, in my experience, they tend to be a little more secure in their social position and don't feel as much of a need to remind the teachers of it.

So, it's rather an understatement to say that I'm a little miffed about the email I received. Yep, let's teach our kids the value of money, and while we're at it, let's give them an early lesson on exclusiveness. In fact, better yet, maybe the children's signatures should reflect the size of their contribution: those who give the most, can sign first and in the biggest print so that Mrs. K will know who really to favor and perhaps even pass that info on to next year's teachers. First grade is not too early to learn this important lesson.